Sunday, December 27, 2009

"My Crazy 2010 Predictions"

It’s only a matter of time before we get some ridiculous predictions about the region from certain geographically located pundits. So, I thought id beat them to the punch with my own absolutely ludicrous predictions. You can’t poke fun at us if we beat you to the punch.


Jan 4th- Burj Dubai, the world's tallest building, opens its doors.

Jan 6th- Having completed a successful on time official opening, Burj dubai closes so that minor renovations can be completed over the next few months.

Jan 9th- Dubai World reaches standstill agreement.

Jan 10th- Dubai Planetary Investments is created by decree. Initial paid up capital of $5billion.

Jan 12th- Dubai Planetary investments acquires controlling stake in Iceland. Icbc and BOC provide financing of 20x on transaction.

Feb 1st- In an attempt to meet immediate cash needs, Dubai World announces a special valentines week cruise on board the QE2.

Feb 14th- Somali pirates hijack QE2.

Feb 15th- Somali Pirates not realizing how precarious the finances of the QE2 were, crumble under the leverage.

Feb 16th- Somali Pirates seek a standstill with QE2 creditors.

Mar 1st- Saudi Arabia announces Kingdom’s long-term strategic vision. Plans $30 trillion in infrastructure spending by year 2412.

April 1st- Kuwait Parliament approves legislation bailing out all consumer debt of Kuwaiti nationals.

April 2nd- Louis Vuitton International daily sales increase 5000%.

April 3rd- Kuwaitis request another bailout.

April 15th- Damas Jewelry closes doors.

April 16th- Damas Financial Advisors, the middle east’s largest financial planning firm opens its doors.

May 1st- To ensure the long-term viability of all Abu Dhabi projects, ADIA announces $200 billion investment in sand replication technology. Construction
on the world’s first sand synthesis plant begins immediately.

June 1st- AD Sand Synthesis One opens its doors.(goes down in Guinness book as fastest plant construction in history)

June 15th- Dp world is taken private by an Abraj led consortium.

June 16th- Chinese acquire 40% stake in Jebal Ali Free Zone.

September 1st- Abu Dhabi starts to experience water shortages.

September 3rd- Abu Dhabi discloses that it is in the midst of a water crisis. The cause of crisis is the extremely intensive water needs of its sand replication plant.

Sep18th- After letting them sweat it out for a few weeks, Dubai bails out Abu Dhabi with fresh water from its Icelandic stake. Appreciating the gesture Abu Dhabi pays off all of Dubai’s debts. Dubai Planetary Investments exits Iceland stake with 10000000000000000% return. The buyers are the Government of Qatar.

Dec 21st- A giant sand storm hits the gulf. Within 24 hours the region is swallowed whole by the earth.

Dec 22nd- Western journalists say I told you so.

Dec 23rd 2010- The World Ends. (The Mayans were off by exactly two years)



Happy Holidays!!!

1 comment:

Ryan Farha said...

Akram you were only off by a few weeks for the Burj Dubai closing! Or is it the Burj Khalifah now??